The trap always begins with her being incredibly considerate. You are sitting at home, and she says, “Teerak, you spend too much money on me. No expensive restaurants today. Let’s just go to Koh Larn, relax on the beach, and save some money.”
You feel a warm glow in your chest. She is so thoughtful. She genuinely cares about your finances.
The journey begins with a morning walk through a deserted Walking Street toward the pier. You look at the faded neon signs of your old favorite Go-Go bars. You smile, feeling nostalgic. “Man, one time I came here and…” You suddenly remember who is holding your hand. You cut yourself off mid-sentence and violently clear your throat. “What happened, Teerak?” she asks. “Nothing,” you say, “just some basil from breakfast caught in my throat.”
Right before Bali Hai pier, you stop at 7-Eleven. “Let’s just grab some water,” she says. She picks up a basket. Water goes in. Then sugary drinks, some snacks, three beers for you, and then—”Oh, I forgot sunscreen, can I buy one?” You nod generously.
The cashier scans the basket. 1,000 Baht. You glance at the receipt on the way out. The tiny bottle of sunscreen alone was 500 Baht. You make a mental note to pay better attention.
At the pier, another hurdle appears. She suddenly remembers that the big ferry makes her incredibly seasick. For her health, you have to take the speedboat. 600 Baht.
You finally arrive, and it’s beautiful. The beach is practically empty. You sit down at a seaside restaurant. A local beach boy walks up—one of those guys who seems to know everyone in the Chonburi province despite never leaving the island. “Hey Phat! Is this your new boyfriend?”
You blink. New?
Before you can process the implications, she is already ordering you a cold beer and dragging you by the hand into the ocean. You splash around in the waves like a happy Golden Retriever. She is the best. You are so lucky she dragged you out here.
Lunchtime arrives. You sit down at your table, ready for a quiet meal. Suddenly, two girls appear from around the corner. You don’t even need to ask what their profession is; the heavily tattooed skin and gravity-defying silicone scream Soi 6.
“Hey Phat! Hello handsome!”
Your girlfriend turns to you, acting completely shocked. “Teerak, my friends are here by coincidence! Can they eat with us?”
Before you can answer, they sit down. Suddenly, there are eight dishes on the table. Three different variations of Som Tum. Six large beers. They drink significantly faster than you do and machine-gun gossip in the Isaan dialect. You quietly excuse yourself and go back to the ocean.
When you return, the table is cleared. The bill is waiting for you. 2,100 Baht.
You retreat to the rented beach chairs. “Teerak, my legs hurt so much,” she says, pouting. The massage ladies are summoned. She falls asleep three minutes into her foot massage. 600 Baht.
By 4:00 PM, you are packing up to leave. Back at the mainland pier, you walk past the food carts. “Oh Teerak, let’s get some snacks for the room.” Grilled squid, a bag of fried bugs, and some colorful coconut sweets. 450 Baht.
It is 6:30 PM. You are finally back in your condo. You take a refreshing shower, feeling energized. You bounce onto the bed like a Jack Russell terrier, fully expecting the physical reward for being the absolute greatest, most generous boyfriend in Pattaya today.
She is already under the blanket, eyes closed. “Oh, Teerak… the sun made me so exhausted. I am too tired. Let’s sleep. Tomorrow, okay?”
She starts snoring softly. You lie there in the quiet room, staring at the ceiling, doing the math in your head. The “cheap, money-saving” beach day just cost you roughly 4,750 Baht—enough to have gone to the luxury steakhouse twice.
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