Every expat in Pattaya eventually hits “The Wall.” You reach a point where the neon lights of Walking Street blur together, the bars feel mind-numbing, and the standard advice from veterans rings in your ears: “Stop dating bar girls. Go find yourself a nice, normal, educated woman from Bangkok.”
At 36 years old, after a year of living in the city, I was exhausted by the nightlife. I wanted something real. Since I had been studying Thai for a few months, I abandoned the tourist zones and started hanging out at a small, local market in North Pattaya. It had live music, plastic tables, cheap beer, and a crowd that was 100% Thai. It was the perfect place to practice my language skills and, hopefully, meet that elusive “normal” woman.
One Friday night, I was sitting alone at my usual table. Directly behind me was a large, loud group of about ten Thais—mostly women in their late 40s and a couple of men.
Suddenly, the market singer spotted me. Since I was the only regular Farang there, he called me out over the microphone, as was our tradition: “Hey Farang! What song do you want tonight?”
I named a popular Thai track I’d been practicing. The moment the words left my mouth, the entire market gasped in surprise. But the loudest reaction came from the big table behind me. I heard bursts of laughter, a few jokes about foreigners, and then a commanding voice shouting in Thai: “Hey Farang! Come over here and sit with us!”
The Bangkok Boardroom on Vacation
I walked over, and the table welcomed me with massive smiles. A woman who looked to be around 50—but in such incredible, toned shape that most 35-year-olds back in Europe would be envious—slid over and patted the seat next to her.
It turned out they were a tight-knit group of successful professionals from Bangkok down in Pattaya for a weekend getaway. We started pouring Thai whiskey, clinking glasses, and doing the usual routine: “Can the Farang eat spicy food? Can the Farang speak more Thai?” The energy was amazing, the laughs were loud, and I felt like I had finally broken through the cultural barrier.
Until the whiskey kicked in.
Without warning, the stunning 50-year-old woman next to me slammed her glass down and announced to the entire table in a booming voice: “The Farang is sleeping with me tonight.”
The whole table erupted into a massive “Auuuuuuu!” One of her friends pouted and shouted back, “Hey, I thought he was sleeping with me!”
I sat there, frozen, chuckling nervously. Nobody had asked for my opinion. Nobody asked if I was free. I assumed it was just high-spirited Thai humor. But when the night wrapped up and I stood up to say my polite goodbyes, the woman grabbed my arm with an iron grip, looked me in the eyes, and said: “Where do you think you’re going? We’re heading to my hotel.”
The hotel was just down the street. And as it turned out, she wasn’t joking.
The 7:00 AM Walk of Shame
The night was incredible, but the fairytale ended abruptly.
At exactly 7:00 AM, a hand aggressively shook my shoulder. I opened my eyes to see her fully dressed and looking down at me.
“Time to go,” she said coldly. “My friends and I are leaving for a boat trip on the island in an hour.”
Blinking away sleep, I pulled out my phone. “Can I get your Line ID? You know, in case we want to meet up again?”
She looked at me with a mixture of amusement and pity. “Listen,” she said, “I have a husband and a family back in Bangkok. This was just my weekend entertainment in Pattaya. Now, come on, you need to leave.”
Walking out of that luxury hotel into the crisp morning air, a heavy, surreal wave of realization hit me.
I felt exactly like a bar girl leaving a client’s room in the morning. I could feel the burning, judgmental gaze of the receptionist behind the front desk. I could feel the security guard outside scanning my wrinkled clothes, silently calculating my “overnight rate” in his head. I was the object. I was the souvenir.
I walked back to my apartment in silence, bruised but enlightened. Hey, at least I finally found a normal woman from Bangkok.
But sometimes, the Farang is the one getting paid for in whiskey.
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